giving thanks

I suppose on this day of Thanksgiving, I should pause and reflect on what I’m thankful for today.  The standards apply: good health, loving family, food/shelter/clothing, etc.  Of course, I also must take a moment to appreciate my husband.

I’ve had a bachelor’s degree in a field that requires a master’s for the last 4 yrs.  As such, my employment opportunities have been slim, and most of the time I’ve not worked.  Realizing that I was feeling very unfulfilled, he volunteered all his “fun money” for me to go back to school.  So, for the last semester, I’ve been working on my prereqs for nursing.  I’m doing great, and it’s largely because of his help and support.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention his newfound interest in D/s.  I know that he is somewhat reserved about all of it, worried that he won’t be “Master enough” for me, but so far, things have been awesome.  I suppose when you really love someone, being patient and allowing them to come into it on their own is easier.  Then again, pouting and saying, “But I want it NOW!” will just get me sent down the bad egg chute like Veruca Salt in Charlie’s Chocolate Factory.

Mmmmm… chocolate.  That reminds me.  Must go check on the cookies.  Happy Thanksgiving all!

tentative steps

After four years of a rather vanilla existence, I’ve had plenty of time to cultivate my fantasies. EXPLORING them with someone new to D/s is entirely different though.

Some things can be done safely with a novice. Others require knowledge, practice, and skill. In the past, my kinky relationships ranged from my early experiences topping a girlfriend, several masochistic encounters with older men in positions of authority, to a 24/7 submissive relationship.

Tracing my kink back on some level during my entire sexual life, I’m not sure how I thought a relationship and marriage without it would work. I guess I just love my husband so much and he fulfills all my other needs, that I downplayed my need for it.

Now that the lines of communication are busted wide open, I find myself careening from one fantasy to the next. “What can we try first? What will really flip his switch and keep him wanting to try more?”

To facilitate the discussion, I’ve found using the interactive checklist at Soul’s Haven to be very helpful. In the IE browser, you can float your mouse over activities and get definitions - something definitely helpful to someone new and who doesn’t recognize the lingo. Also, you can compare your list to a partner’s list and even get suggested scenes base on mutual satisfaction ratings.

Since I’m pretty much into most kinds of kink as a bottom/sub, hopefully we’ll find some common ground and can let the fun commence!

an introduction

Not quite sure where to start… I guess my intent for this blog is one place.

I am a freak.  Not on the outside, but deep in my heart.

Since meeting my husband four years ago, I tried to downplay that side of me.  Although I was QUITE honest with my proclivities and past of D/s relationships, the euphoria of new love rushed over me and all was right with the world.  It wasn’t until we got engaged and the lack of kink started nagging at my soul, that I realized I was missing something.

Oh, he placated me with a little spanking on occasion… the rare rough encounter with a little bondage, but every morsel just made me hunger for more.

Recently, we’d celebrated our second anniversary and I realized the honeymoon was definitely over.  I was bored.  I realized I’d become a drone in our sexual lives and it was starting to affect how I saw the love-of-my-life.  I started resenting him.

Realizing that I couldn’t go on forever in a sexually unfulfilling marriage, I laid all my thoughts bare before him.  There was a lot of crying, some begging, and in the end a decision:  To save our marriage, he was willing to really explore my needs.  Although he doesn’t understand it all, he’s willing to learn and give it a try.  This blog will chronicle our journey of exploration.